Uninvited Guest

“Could you bend down a little? You’re too tall for the camera.”

“Yes ma’am.”

I squatted down slowly until the lady behind the plexiglass let me know I was okay, while my knees did their best to not crunch. I gave a stiff smile for the camera while still wiping sleep from my eyes. That morning, I was expecting a line that wrapped around the DMV. Instead I was an hour early, being greeted by a cordial, unhoused man that chatted me up while we waited for the place to open. We both needed new ID’s and talked about how we both ended up in the city. Him from hitchhiking to be closer to family, me taking a job to get far away from mine.

As time ticked down, few people joined our congregation before the doors finally opened, and I was first in line to be christened as a southerner.

The camera flashed and the woman prompted me to sign the pad. I tried my best to make my signature legible while using my E.T.-esque index finger on a tiny outdated touchpad.

“Do you have a pen I could use?”

Without looking from her computer, the lady gave me a swift, “No.”

I exhaled, scribbled away the chicken scratch that is my name and sat in the chair waiting for her to tell me I forgot some paper, or that I needed another proof of ID, because something was wrong with the other 3 I gave her. Instead, she clicked away, nails tapping against the mechanical keyboard, until she looked up.

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Welcome to Georgia and more importantly welcome to Atlanta.”

Now this woman isn’t the first person to tell me this since I’ve moved, and I’m sure she won’t be the last as I still gain my footing in this new land. This also isn’t my first tenure in the south either, so hearing a “y’all” every once on a while isn’t new to me. The thing is, things just feel different now. When I sat down and started writing, I told myself that this would be more or less an update that I’m going to be moving Uninvited Guest to substack, but it feels weird to not address the fact that I’m also moving, well moved, as well. And so far it is not the distance that has me feeling different. 

When I started Uninvited Guest, I just wanted it to be somewhere to post stuff that I wrote that anyone who cared to, could read. That part isn’t changing. But I have in this short amount of time since moving. It’s barely been three months and I feel I just got shipped off to college. This immense amount of anxiety that is always sitting in my chest, that I haven’t felt since I was playing.

Lately when I sit down to write a draft for something, I stare at the blinking text line with nothing in mind until I write gibberish, then a continuous stream of thoughts, then delete it all and close the laptop, in that order. Or I write a full draft then wake up the next day and read it back thinking, “Who wrote this shit?” deleting as I go. I’ve dealt with writer’s block but this is from something else. 

This is the most uninvited I’ve felt in a long time.

But I know that’s not true at all. I was invited. Hell more than invited, I was chosen! But there’s still a part of me that quietly whispers while I ride the subway in the morning, watching as the other passengers prepare for their day, “You will never belong here.”

Except I’m not looking for belonging. Honestly I’m quite sure what I’m looking for now. In a sense, Uninvited guest got me here. An edited rendition of my thoughts and feelings on various topics that interest me. This thing that I started for fun allowed me to become something that was more than just what others saw me as. And now I’m slowly shedding that old skin. A metamorphosis if you will. Turning into something that I’m not sure of, but excited to see. 

So it’s been about three months in Hotlanta. What do I think so far? Kieth Lee was right. My experience so far has been lackluster honestly. It seems like Atlanta forgot that it’s a part of the south, and the hospitality part of it as well. I’m not trying to bash the city, I mean I still am pretty unqualified to give a true statement, but it’s more of a west coast city in that regard. Outside of that, it’s been nice. Lovely weather, always something to do, and far more green than I expected. But everything is green compared to Vegas. I’ll check in after a year with a full report to see how well this opinion holds up. 

The main reason I’m writing this is to say that I will be slowly moving the website to Substack. I think their website has a better infrastructure to grow an audience, despite less customization of the UI and user experience. Overall, it will lend to a better experience for readers to read what they want and support the blog any way they want to.

Along with the move comes with some changes to the writing. I’m trying to be more consistent, but that consistency feels harder when everything I write feels ramble-y and starts getting a bit long in the tooth. I appreciate all those who actually read everything, but I know most people have a chronically online brain, so most of the new writings will be short and sweet with the occasional longer pieces or stories sprinkled throughout. That’s also another part of why I haven’t been posting as much either. I’ve been working on a full length manuscript, so it felt like a burden to write something else that was touching the 2k word count and higher when I could have put that into the larger work. So this way, I can post more while not feeling guilty and still keep the true spirit of Uninvited Guest. So I guess expect more.

I also am flirting with the idea of working with other writers as well, so if you would be interested in writing a piece or even have an idea but not sure how to articulate it, please reach out. I know others have really resonated with some of the stuff I’ve put out, so I really want to have some other perspectives outside of my own that can speak to the folks that I can’t but still feel “uninvited” as well. 

This will be the last posting on this website. Once I have moved everything over I’ll post something about it, but the transition should be seamless for readers. Thank you again for the continued support and will hopefully continue to grow this idea into something larger than myself. 

-Jamell