Originally written in 2017
“Did Jesus know that he was going to be resurrected? Because if so then what’s the value in his sacrifice?” My pops shot me a peculiar look then grew quiet. He leaned back against the middle of the kitchen island in a clean wife beater with his du-rag wrapped around his head. His arms were folded as he rubbed the back of his arms where one of his tattoos was hiding. Split between both arms and his back, the tattoo read, “pain is real”. The scarred and crooked fingers on each of his bear paws would testify to that. He leaned up and scratched his dalmatian-like beard before he spoke.
“Yeah he did know, but he still had to die. He still had to be crucified. He still had to be abandoned from people that he thought cared bout him. He still had to suffer through all of that because he knew what he had ahead of him.” I shook my head to let him know I was still engaged even though it had been around midnight and it was still close to 90 degrees outside. “Everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die. You don’t have to get it now. Let you sit on it.” He shot me a wink while he clicked his tongue showing off his pristine veneers.
“Thanks pops.” I said with his words still bouncing around in my head. I think all dads just have part wizard in them. Or are at least descendents of Merlin. I stood up from the stool on the island and headed for the garage. I needed to take a drive. I called out as I hit the garage button, “Yo pops I’m gonna go up the street, call me if you need me.” I heard him call out but didn’t really catch what he said. I slammed the door and peeled out of the driveway.
The orange street lights lined the planned developments that seemed to keep popping up all around Vegas. Track homes that were from one of three different floor plans lined the roads. I remember when I first moved into the suburbs I thought that I would get lost because all the houses look the same, but just like everything, you just get used to it. After circling around my neighborhood for a while I decided to head up to my favorite place to go. It was all the way at the top of an unfinished road to a new housing development being built near my house. When you drive up the road you can see where the old houses start to transition into new and newer houses until you finally reach the desert where the newest houses will be. It was about 12:30ish at night but the dry breeze that was blowing felt as if you stuck your head in a preheated oven. Once you get to the end of the road, you get the best view of the city. Every single casino and hotel lit up against that night sky, from the Stratosphere to the MGM. The best thing about it is since you are so far from the strip, you still were able to see all of the stars in the sky without being overpowered from the neon skyline. I didn’t really care much for the strip but this view made me love my city.
I put my car in park and cut the engine off, leaving only the battery on. The hum of the radio was white noise while I leaned back in the seat scrolling through my phone. I didn’t want to be in my own head anymore so I decided to text my friend Stone and see if he was up. He hit me back instantly and said he would meet me in about five minutes. I’ve known him since I first moved to the area when I was in third grade. We both skated and started hanging out everyday with our other two friends, Trap and Pin. Since then we’ve been brothers, well all of us, but I knew that Stone would actually be up this late and wouldn’t mind chopping it up for a while. It wasn’t long until I heard his car waking up everyone as he drove past. The big body M5 pulled up still growling and snarling as it came rolling over the dirt covered road to a stop. The BMW chime kept ringing as he stepped out of the car. His long dirty blonde hair was poking out from under his black beanie. Dawned in a fresh white tee straight out of the package; you could still see the wrinkles from where it was folded to go along with a pair of deep blue dickie pants that were almost the same color as his whip. He shuffled over to meet me leaning on the hood of my car in a dirty pair of off the wall loafers with a six pack of Coronas clutched under his arm.
“You know I don’t drink”, I said as I dapped him up.
“Me either but I thought you needed a proper celebration with your good news.”
“Well I really appreciate it man. And you brought them. Might as well have one.” I reached over to grab one of the cervezas while we both looked over the city.
“So when are you leaving?”
“Nothing is official yet but they want me to come in a month. Right when summer starts.”
“Well then that still means we got some time to kick it before you go. Aren’t you hyped that it’s finally happened. You’re going to school for free. That’s insane!”
“Yeah it’s crazy. Feels like it was just yesterday I was playing ball for fun, but it doesn’t feel the same anymore.”
“Yeah because you’re about to start getting paid for it that’s why”, Sollins said while he made it rain invisible bills in the desert.
I gave a forced smile and put my chin to my chest, “I’m not sure if I even want to go.”
“What?” Sollins took a deep swig from his bottle. “Man you better stop playing.”
“Nah I’m serious man, I’m sick of this shit.” I sat babysitting the unopened beer in my hand as I tried not to catch his eyes reading me. “I’m just saying maybe I’ve been wasting my time. Maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I’ve been living someone else’s life just to get some praise from people that don’t give a shit about me.”
“Well I give a shit. A big one too. Like two flushes big.”
“Shut up.” I pushed the bottle in his hand up while he took another sip, making him spill some of the brew on his shirt.
“Why?”
I smiled as he took off his shirt, went to his trunk and grabbed a new one from the opened pack.
“Okay what would you do if you stayed here then?”
“I’m not sure yet. I would probably just get a job and maybe go back to school at UNLV.”
“You know what UNLV stands for? You never leave Vegas” I couldn’t help but laugh at the honesty in Sollins’ joke. He took another sip, his thick Adam’s apple bobbed up and down under his scraggly beard. He took a deep inhale of the dusty air and pushed the little bits of blonde back under his beanie. He wiped his hands on his pants before letting go of the breath. “This is your best opportunity right now and so many people would kill to be in your shoes man. Trap and Pin would want you to stay too, but they would tell you the same thing I’m telling you.You’d be stupid not to get out of here while you still can.”
“What’s so bad about Vegas?”
“Besides the sun, nothing. If you just want to sit around, knock up some girl and be stuck here.”
“What are you gonna do since staying here isn’t a good idea to you?”
“I’m heading to Cali. Probably gonna just work with my dad while I figure out the rest”
Without much thought I just asked, “What if I went with you?”
Sollins laughed. It hushed to gradual silence once he saw my face. “You don’t want to come with me bro. Trust me on that.”
“Why not?”
“What kind of friend would I be if I let you throw all of that away to come with me? Bro you sound crazy right now. California is not going anywhere, but this opportunity you have right now is once in a lifetime. You’re about to go to college and get a degree for free while I’m working. You’re one of my inspirations. The fact that you made it this far despite all the hardships you faced is what lets me know that I can keep on pushing through the everyday things I have to deal with. ”
Shame is the only thing I felt after hearing Stone’s words. I felt it rolling down my face, consuming me until it wrapped around my ankles and oozed into my feet. My body wanted to collapse. I tried to speak but it continued to coil around my neck, squeezing as I tried to get out a word. I never knew that anyone looked up to me, let alone one of my best friends. I fought off its grip on my neck to look up at Sollins while he fiddled with his empty bottle. I shook free of the emotion as I uncliched my jaw.
“I just feel like if I leave, I’m leaving everything. I’m leaving the city that I was born and raised in and the only people in my life that actually care about me just to chase something that I’m not even sure about. Then I’m gonna be somewhere I’ve never been. Completely alone. I don’t even know how long it will be until I come back. I’m just scared that everything that I’m giving up won’t even be worth it in the end.”
Stone replied, “It will be.” He wiped his palms on his pants while he placed the empty bottle on the hood of the car and faced me. “You have to be willing to give up the life you live in order to get the life you want.”
His words resonated with me and for a second I thought it was my dad talking to me. My father’s words still rattled in my head as I contemplated if I was willing to die yet.
I hugged my friend. “Thank you”
“You know I got you.”
I reached for the empty bottle on the hood and grabbed it by the neck. I cocked my arm back and launched the bottle across the dark desert sky. It whistled against the wind as it left my hand and climbed into the warm air until it exploded onto a stumpy cactus. I was happy that the old bottle had died. I looked back to meet Stone who was still looking at the bottle’s final resting place. “Call up Trap and Pin and see if they are up. I want some pancakes.” He nodded his head as we each got in our cars and headed to get some food at 1:12 a.m.
The gas light was winking at me as I cut the engine on. Its polite protest won me over simply because I didn’t like how the gauge looked when the arrow was ticked behind the E. After driving back to civilization, I turned into the closest gas station. Right next to the grocery store and behind a late night taco joint, the gas station was illuminated by the white lights that looked over the pumps. I pulled into the pump nearest to the store. Pump 2, got it. I slid out of the car. I elbowed the door shut while used my other hand to block out some of the light that was drowning me. My sneakers cried out with each step on the glossy concrete while I made my way to the door. Lingering by the front, a man dressed in old fatigues, ripped jeans, and black feet sat leaning against the glass. I walked past him and the smell of hot piss and wet dog smacked me in the face. “ Hey man you g-” The door chime sung out while the closed door muffled anything else he said. Two slot machines greeted me on each side of the door as I approached the counter. The middle aged woman that was on shift sized me up before giving me a “How may I help you?”
“Can I just get ten on pump uh . . .” I turned my head around, wishing I was an owl, to get a look back at the car. “Pump 2” An elephant might be better.
Her nails clicked into the keys until the register slid out and it rattled a bit when it was fully extended. I took the tightly folded twenty out of my back pocket and slid it across the counter. Her claws dug into the crisp bill, dragging it along until it fell in the register. She traded my neat twenty for a wrinkled ten and I stuffed it into my pocket. “Have a good night”, I said, walking for the door. She gave a half-hearted “You too”, but I wasn’t mad at her. She probably wanted to be home. I pushed open the door to smell the man still sitting in the same spot. For some reason I decided to acknowledge the invisible man and his gaze were already transfixed on me. “ Hey man you got anything you could spare? I’m just trying to get me something to eat and drink.” I already knew he was probably gonna get something to help him sleep, but he was honest about it. Who is to say that I needed this money more than he did. I wanted pancakes. I wanted to hug my sheets. I wanted to give him a bar of soap. I looked up at the blinding lights that flooded my car.
“Yeah I got something for you.” I dug into my jeans to pull out the crumpled up ten. I dapped him up with the bill sliding from my hand to his. He didn’t even look at it before tucking it away in one of the pockets in his jacket.
“God bless you man!”, he said with a holey smile.
I gave him a head nod and swam in the light to reach my car. I pumped my gas and hoped that water and ice cubes would satisfy my late night sweet tooth.
“So who’s trying to spot me five for some pancakes?”
“No cakes for this broke boy.” Pin said as he browsed over the menu. Stone slid a bill over the table.
“Don’t say I never did anything for you now.”
All four of us fit snugly into the tight booth. Trap and Pin on the inside while Sollins and I were on the outside. My leg sprawled into the walkway of the empty diner, having to slide it back every time the waitress made her rounds. The small dining room was cluttered with dated wooden paneling across the tables with teal wallpaper wrapping the entire restaurant. The carpets were a “some type of blue” color that was covered in ambiguous stains and wet spots across it. The flat screens posted in each corner of the place were all turned to news. There was a story about a woman that broke someone’s window because their dog was motionless, locked in their car during the middle of the day. The dog then turned out to be a stuffed animal of their kid and now she has to pay for the damages. The waitress broke my line of sight to the T.V. “What are we having tonight?”, she asked, tapping the pen in her hand against her teeth.
Trap replied, “I think I’ll just have the regular breakfast platter with, over easy eggs and turkey sausage instead of bacon.”
“I’ll just get a short stack of pancakes”, I said as her eyes flicked to me second. Sollins and Pin didn’t order anything but she left one menu on the table just in case.
“Okay I’ll be right back with your orders just holler if you need anything.”
Stone gave her a “Thank you” as she disappeared in the kitchen.
Pin looked up from his phone. The blond hairs trying to grow from his jawline looked like frost against his pallid skin. “Why are you always getting pancakes whenever we come here?”
“They are cheap and they fill me up.” Plus they remind me of when my dad used to make them when I was younger.
“I think I’m more of a waffles kind of person.” Trap said. He wiped the sleep from his eyes with his butterscotch colored hands.
Pin chimed in, “I say pancakes. I just think pancakes are better because they are light and soft while waffles are hard and crunchy.”
“Okay that makes sense why you would want waffles then Trap. You would want something hard and covered in something sticky in your mouth huh?” I shot back.
“I got something hard for you,” Stone added.
“Alright, you took it too far with that one.” I said. We all burst out laughing right when the waitress was walking back with plates on a platter.
Just as she was walking out of the kitchen, A man in a black hoodie walked into the diner with his hood up and the drawstrings pulled tight and tied together. “Everybody keep your head down if you don’t want to catch a hot one in your head!” The hooded man brandished a black handgun and aimed it, grazing over the other two tables there besides us and the man at the register. The waitress dropped the platter in her hand, leaving the hot eggs and pancakes on the floor. “ Nobody makes a move and nobody gets hurt. Now open the register!” The man at the register punched the buttons on it before it shot out. Hoodie man reached over the counter stuffing bills into his kangaroo pouch on the front of his hoodie. He kept the pistol in the man’s face as he surveyed the diner.
Pin whispered with his cheek pressed against the table, “Man who robs a diner at 2 in the morning?”
Trap replied, “This dumbass,” pushing the words between his gritted teeth as he said it.
“He probably won’t even get more than 100, maybe 2 if he’s lucky.” Stone said, trying to peek up from the table. Stone lifted his head 3 inches before the hoodie man made his way over to our table.
“What did I say about keeping your head down? I’ll make sure you don’t get home tonight”, he barked out pushing Stone head back down with the barrel of the gun. I looked at the man’s scuffed up boots while his foot stepped through the stack of pancakes. My pancakes. He twisted his foot severing any remaining batter that held them together. I stood up from the table and the hooded man swung the gun at me.
“You owe me some pancakes.”
I could see the man’s face in the scrunched hole his tied hood made. He wasn’t a man at all. His smooth face and round features made me think he had to have been no older than I was. I looked him in his almond eyes, staring through the barrel of the pistol to his soul. We stayed tranced on each other until he finally shouted out, “Sit the fuck back down. Now is not the time to be a hero.” But he made a mistake. I knew he wasn’t going to kill me. His eyes darted away for maybe a tenth of a second before they adjusted back on mine. That slight move showed the chink in his armour. I took a step closer to the kid, while he moved back. He cried out, “I swear I’ll do it now back up.”
“I told you I want my pancakes.” I kept trying to close the distance between us while he crept back with loose bills falling from his pocket.
“I don’t want to kill you but I will.” he said, while he fasted his grip on the sweaty handle of the gun.
“Kill me!”
He pulled the trigger and ran out of the door with more bills escaping his pockets.
*
My forehead stung. Like a wasp just landed right on it. I looked down at my feet to see the plastic green BB rolling along the carpet. My heart slowed down from a full gallop to a mild canter. Stone, Trap, and Pin got up and stood around still wondering why my head wasn’t painted on the wall. I picked up the BB and rolled it between my thumb and forefinger.
“You dumbass you could have gotten killed.” Trap said
“ I knew it was a fake gun, so I knew I could stand up to him.”
I didn’t.
The waitress and the other two people in the diner began to clap until there was a mini applause throughout it. They said that everything would be covered next time we came back and thanked me again. I put the BB in my pocket and walked out of the diner with everyone else.
“You should have been laid out on that floor back there.” Stone said as we stood out in the parking lot.
I stood feeling the BB in my pocket, wishing that I was .
“Yeah I guess I got lucky.”
3 responses to “Heat”
This shit slap!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!
Art